“Right reasons…Right reasons…[something unintelligible] girl for all seasons!”
I have to say, I was surprised to see Soulja Boy on ABC last night. But I’ll get there.
I mentioned previously that the girls I watch The Bachelorette with decided to do a “fantasy Bachelor” league this season. My picks (based solely on their headshots and bios from ABC.com–and then those that were left over) were:
Sadly, after watching the premiere last week, I realized that none of my guys (except maybe Robert) would carry me through to the finale. And then Micah went home night 1. Mikey T could possibly be a Jersey Shore castoff. Zak W took the shirtless idiot route. Robert is a cutie and seemed nice enough. Juan Pablo very attractive, but I don’t see him and Des having much in common.
That brings us to week 2.
Brooks got the first one-on-one date, which involved 1) a day date to go wedding shopping, 2) an afternoon picnic at the Hollywood sign, 3) dinner under chandeliers on a bridge in L.A., and 4) a private concert. We’ve previously seen every single one of these dates on the Bachelor/Bachelorette, but hey, never all together in one day! Well done, ABC! [Also: I actually recognized the song sung during the concert! Another first!] We spent most of the night talking over the show and laughing at the annoying on-screen Tweets, but it seemed like Brooks and Desiree had a pretty good initial connection. They’re cute together, and although he seemed a bit girly, he seemed to be a good match for her. Also: I like his teeth. Brooks got a rose, and no one was surprised.
The Group Date.
The first group date of the season took place at a winery (how random?) and involved shooting a rap video for a Soulja Boy song and absolutely no wine-drinking. [Did anyone else have flashbacks to 2007, to the girls in the dorm across the hall playing ‘Soulja Boy (Tell ‘Em)’ on repeat while trying to teach themselves the dance? It couldn’t have only been me.] Has he had another “hit” since then?
The rap lyrics were actually fairly clever if you’re a hardcore fan. I’m not sure whether an ABC writer or Soulja Boy himself wrote them, but it was a nice little trip down the ‘best-of’ Bachelorette memory lane.
The costuming for the music video didn’t make much sense to me. Brandon had to wear what appeared to be a jock strap, judging by the way they kept censoring his hindquarters. And in an incredibly ironic twist, his lyrics were about Kasey “Guard and Protect Your Heart” Kahl, who he began to act more and more like as the episode went on. In fact, I’ve decided to start referring to him as ‘Kasey Junior.’ He came on way too strong. Also, way too desperate and clingy with a hint of crazy.
Ben continued with his creeper, inappropriate-for-a-single-dad ways. I just don’t like this guy. I don’t like the way he talks to or about her–it’s so possessive. It actually reminds me of a different southern gent I know, so maybe that’s just how guys think about women down South. Creepy and possessive. I would have sent him home the first night, along with Fantasy Suite Jonathan. Mikey T (one of my team members, woot!) called Ben out on his assholeishness, but they seemed to forgive and forget pretty quickly. (Ben complimented Mikey’s shoes, and Mikey got over his dislike. Smooth move, Benji.)
The rap video itself was just dreadful. Not a single one of the guys could dance, and the rapping was awful. But I guess it was all in good fun, as they actually seemed to enjoy it. (Judging by the previews, this could be the last enjoyable group date of the season.)
At the afterparty, Zak W (another one of my team members!) totally redeemed himself after his poor performance on night 1. He managed to keep his clothes on throughout the entire date, plus, he came with a gift! He gave Desiree an antique journal, with an inscription inside the cover, and he said he had found it “in an antique shop in a small town.” That won major points with me. A guy who goes antique shopping and buys thoughtful gifts? Solid play.
Ben ultimately got the rose, although she totally talked up Brandon in her pre-rose-handing-out speech, so it was kind of a surprise when Ben got it.
Bryden (hate his name) got the second one-on-one date of the night, which was a road trip around southern California. (Pretty low-budget after the first two dates of the night, but I guess that makes financial sense.) Desiree said that she had so much fun just laughing with him all day, but I don’t think we ever actually saw the two of them laughing together. Blame it on the editing.
At the end of the day, they stopped at a spa/inn for dinner and conversation. We learned that Bryden was in a car crash that probably should have killed him but didn’t, and that changed his outlook on life. (Luckily, he happened to have photos of the accident in his jacket pocket, just on the off-chance that the story had come up naturally in dinner conversation.) This solidified one of the live-Tweeters hypothesis that all the guys of this season had to have at least one major life tragedy in order to be accepted to the show.
I couldn’t pay much attention to their date because he kind of reminds me of a cross between a caveman and Viktor Krum, and I wasn’t really interested in anything they talked about. But at the end of the night, they wound up in a pool, where he seemed to want to kiss her but was uncomfortable with the nearby cameramen, so she saved him some face by saying “oh, just kiss me already!” And then he got a rose.
Michael G started off the night by taking Des aside to explain to her about his prerequisite tragedy–his type-2 diabetes. (I actually see this one as a legitimate real-life problem, so it didn’t annoy me in the same way the other guys’ do.) Two seconds into his explanation, who should walk in to interrupt but Ben-with-a-rose? Of course! So that launched the night’s drama. All the guys ran around talking about and putting down Ben, and then there was a pretty boring and anticlimactic confrontation between Ben and Michael G, with a few spectators (notably my boy Mikey T was present). It ended with Michael saying something like “I don’t care. I’m done with this,” and walking away. Real hard-hitting stuff right there!
At the actual awarding of the roses, a few more guys we had never seen before had to go home. This is expected at this point in the season. However, we had to say goodbye to Robert, the second-round pick cutie from my team! She sent him home over Brandon, which goes to show that the girls on this show must just like a little crazy in their lives. A few other people left, which means that she’s whittling down the crowd to a size where it’ll be possible to remember all their names and faces after just a few more episodes.
We also got a preview for a not-at-all-forced fight next week: someone’s girlfriend shows up at the mansion! She calls him a “lying, cheating, deceitful pig,” because isn’t that a phrase that all girlfriends use in the 21st century? She blinks a lot and generally isn’t convincing. She doesn’t earn my sympathy.
Can’t wait to see what happens next! At this point, my favorites are probably Brooks, Drew, Michael G, and Zak W. There are a few who’ve barely had any screen time, though, so there could be some dark horses waiting to run free!