Struggling

Day 20 of the Blog Every Day in May Challenge is “Get real. Share something you’re struggling with right now.”

BlogEverday

In February, I wrote about a change I was planning to make. I’ve written before about purchasing my first home. I’ve written about my LDR with P. More recently, I wrote about what I’d do at this moment if money were no object.

Basically, what it boils down to is this: I’m at a crossroads. I have been for quite some time. The facts are these:

1) I’m unhappy with the career path I’ve wound up on.

2) I want to buy a house. (Either to live in with a roommate supplementing my mortgage payment, or to rent out completely for a profit while I go somewhere else and use that revenue to supplement my income.)

3) Although we’ve nearly mastered the delicate art of the long-distance relationship, I would much prefer living in the same place as P once more.

4) In February, I resolved not to stay at my job beyond May. I had since forgotten about that resolution, and have recently re-resolved to leave my job by August.

5) I want to pursue a career in interior design or something similar. (I don’t think I’ve ever explicitly stated that before, but if I can’t say it here, where can I say it?)

6) I’ve now got a full year’s salary in savings.

With all those things in mind at all times, it’s been hard to make any real decisions lately. (Hence the aforementioned crossroads, and the long time I’ve been standing in the middle of it.) Oh, and:

7) I recently applied to a Master’s program in English at Longwood, with the thinking that their full-time graduate assistantship + the location (same place as P) + a 2-year break from the workforce might = a chance for a nice change and a resetting of my professional compass. I should find out whether I’ve been accepted in a few weeks.

Again, with all these things churning around in my brain all the time, it’s been pretty hard to make any decisions or to feel any degree of settlement or stability lately. I’ve found some solace in knowing that, one way or another, I’ll be leaving my job to pursue something else by August.

But I’m still having a hard time settling in to any mindset. I want to buy a house. If I decide to stay in Charlottesville, I’ll have to go the roommate route, because I’ll also want to quit my job and take on something part-time (therefore with no benefits…and I turn 26 and have to get off my dad’s insurance next September…), while trying to pursue something to do with interior design on the side. If I decide to leave Charlottesville (either to go back to school, to travel, or to do something else entirely), I’ll rent my whole house out. But then I won’t get to enjoy the benefits of owning and decorating a house!

Then there’s the issue of “I don’t think I want to stay in Charlottesville,” on which I vacillate weekly.

Too many issues, too little time…

(And, for the record, I was leaning one way when I started writing this post. Now I’m leaning entirely in the other.)

(Oh, and: I met with my realtor to view another house during my lunch break today. I hated it!)

Am I crazy?

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6 thoughts on “Struggling

  1. Taryn says:

    I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying, so I want to share this quote from a book I just read with you. It really spoke to me, so I hope it does to you, too! (If it doesn’t, then just ignore this comment hahah.)

    “Child, listen. You’re on a journey. You don’t like the way life was going, so you’re rewriting your own story. That’s what you have to do. You don’t see it now, but this is the most important part of your life. If you don’t like the story that’s been told about your own life, you’ve got to change it. You’ve got to tell a different story.”

    Whatever decision you make will NOT be wrong. Even if it doesn’t turn out the way you hoped, it will bring you closer to figuring out what will make you happy. Oh, and MAJOR props on mastering the long-distance relationship and having a year’s salary in the bank – that is awesome!

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